Decisions
by ar-men66
Summary: Ch9 is ready!
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Decisions. **

**Chapter 1**

As I promised, this is a new story I wrote in Italian more or less 2 years ago, it's my the first BBM fiction, since then I started writing in English directly. So this is a new challenge both for me and for Sam, I try to translate and she tries to correct my translation, we'll see how ours efforts will be appreciated.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF YOU FEEL MY STYLE IS DIFFERENT, DUE TO THE TRANSLATING AND ADAPTING PROCESS.

This is an AU settled in normal time and place, different from my Bluebells and Roses.

Disclaimer: the talented Mrs. Proulx owns the original story and characters.

Special thanks again to my dear beta **Sam **.

______________________________________________________________________________

Jack arrived at Wonder Pass an hour after Ennis, who - while waiting for him - walked his horses around and around the truck, so they could stretch their legs a little before being tied up for the night.

The next day they would move higher; Ennis had planned to spend the night in a nearby small field, close to the stream they wanted to follow in the morning, up the waters.

Ennis was waiting anxiously; usually it was the other way around, and by the time he arrived, Jack had already set up the tent.

Ennis imagined Jack was on his way, last week he had received another confirmation postcard, but he wondered why - strangely - Jack would need to confirm their meeting twice.

Finally a big black truck, with a side panel advertising "Newsome Equipment Ltd," stopped near his old one. Jack switched the engine off.

Ennis noticed that his friend didn't hurry to get off and run to him, like he normally did. Jack opened the door and moved slowly, like he was in some kind of trance. His hat completely covered his face and he kept his head low.

Ennis swiftly tied both horses and came closer, but Jack stood still, leaning on the truck door.

He's tired, Ennis thought. Such a long, long drive every time.

When he was at arm's length, Ennis saw Jack's eyes were puffy and his face tired; he was now really close, but it was the agony on Jack's face that stopped the arms that were ready to hug and greet his friend.

"Ennis, I don't …" Jack murmured, shaking his head; and Ennis was suddenly afraid, afraid of what Jack might say – surely it was the end if Jack had arrived in such bad shape.

Ennis steeled himself, waiting for the news he feared the most – damned the part of him that denied the simple truth of his need for Jack – and was surprised when Jack extended an arm and caught him by the waist with strength enough to leave bruises.

Jack hid his face in the crook of Ennis' neck, and something wet slid between skin and cotton; Jack was crying, for the first time in all the years they'd known each other.

"What's going on? Tell me, damnit…tell me!"

Ennis insisted like this because he didn't know how to react to tears and sobs; he was able to manage only rage, and barely his own at that.

It was worse than the end of their relationship; something very bad must have happened to Jack. Maybe the men with tire irons had won, in the end, without leaving Jack dead.

"I can't bear it no more, Larry is so ill," Jack said, shaking uncontrollably. Ennis tightened his arms around Jack, not caring about the bruises that later would mark skin, and Jack let Ennis hold him in silence for a long time.

In the evening, both sat near the fire, and Jack tied to explain, whiskey bottle at hand. Jack ate nothing, and Ennis was afraid for the first time of the effects of alcohol on an empty stomach.

He laid two plaid blankets near the fire and took Jack by the hand, making him nest between his legs, using himself like a support for his man.

Jack was feeling like he was separated from his body and from his surroundings. He had driven all the way north automatically, following an instinct like a migratory bird coming home.

When Jack had Ennis' hot body touching his and strong hands massaging his neck and shoulders, he felt alive for a moment and words flowed easily.

"Lureen and me are a disaster, but for him we tried to keep going. I know she wanted me only to make LD angry, but in the end…she wanted a child, LD a grandson and they sealed a pact. It didn't matter that he was half mine; for LD, Larry, was the son he never had."

"But LD wasn't honest with us. His brother died as an infant for the same reason, it seems it's hereditary and there is a high risk of passing it on… and LD's father and mother are first cousins and maybe there was a distant link with Lureen's mother, too. You know, small towns where half the people in town are all related to each other in some way."

Jack drank another swallow, the hand on the bottle was shaking.

"Don't you see Larry was cursed from the beginning? He's a real Newsome, the image of Lureen. Even his eyes aren't mine, they're hazel….I completely lost with him. Ennis, you don't know what it means to see your son suffer so much. Lureen is desperate, and I ran away because I had to see you or go crazy."

TBC

Thanks a lot for your opinion.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Decisions. **

**Chapter 2**

As I promised, this is a new story I wrote in Italian more or less 2 years ago, it's my the first BBM fiction, since then I started writing in English directly.

This is the betaed edition of ch.. 2 – Thanks SAM!

This is an AU settled in normal time and place, different from my Bluebells and Roses.

Disclaimer: the talented Mrs. Proulx owns the original story and characters.

……….……………..

Ennis came back to Riverton feeling very tired. The strength he always received after meeting Jack – although tempered by a certain sadness for the too short time they had together – didn't remain with him for several days, like it usually did.

He climbed the stairs to his apartment slowly; inside, the rooms were cold and empty, so he supposed Alma was at work, surely another extra shift.

He sat the heater on and went out to collect the girls from Mrs. Linton, the aging neighbour who act as a babysitter for his daughters when Alma was busy.

They were really happy to see him, offering kisses and hugs when Ennis gave them the necklaces he had bought in a gift store near the gas station where he'd said goodbye to Jack. He never came home with presents before, but luckily the girls had never complained about it.

Two weeks later, Ennis stopped in front of the post office, a crumpled telegram in hand.

Jack wrote had written only three words..

"It's over." And Ennis thought about his little ones; how could such a thing happen to an eight year old? He wanted to answer with another telegram but he felt stupid and silly.

He turned and sat back in his truck, but his mind didn't want to cooperate. After a few minutes he started the engine and drove fast to the ranch, explaining to his boss when he got there that he had to go south and attend a funeral.

He stopped at his place – again empty - to pick up a change of clothing, plus something dark, before heading south, Texas on his mind.

A 14 hour drive was too much for him, so he stopped at a motel late in the night. When he entered the lobby and asked for a room, he realised he had simply skipped both lunch and dinner.

He asked the old man behind the reception desk if he knew some place open that late, but the reply was negative.

"I'm sorry," The man added.

"My fault, should have thought about it before. Left home in a hurry."

"Why are you heading south?"

"To see a friend. His son died."

"I'm sorry, " the man repeated. He seemed sincere, his face was friendly and maybe he was so used to seeing different kind of customers that he had learned a lot about people.

"He was only eight."

The man wrote Ennis' name on the large book and gave him a key, adding a proposal. "If you want…we live behind the hotel, surely my wife has some food in the fridge, if you don't mind leftovers…"

"Thanks, I'd appreciate that."

Ennis took off his hat, overwhelmed by the kindness. His stomach grumbled, showing gratitude.

"I'll get a tray to your room soon, you'll give it back tomorrow morning."

"I'll be leaving early, so I'll pay now. I still have a 5 hour drive."

The desk clerk arrived soon afterwards, as he'd promised, with a tray and a sympathetic smile. Ennis was glad to have a clean room, a comfortable mattress and a large bathroom; he avoided the green cover on the bed, afraid to sit down and sleep immediately.

A portion of cold roasted chicken with potatoes and a slice of cheese disappeared in a few bites and two slips from the beer bottle the man had added to his wife's tray.

Ennis put the tray on the small table, took off boots and jacket and without the strength for a shower went straight under the covers.

The early morning light filtered through the curtains while Ennis carefully took his best outfit from his bag: a new pair of jeans, a black shirt and the jacket he worn on his wedding day, made more comfortable for his larger frame a few years ago by the expert hands of his mother in law.

A few miles beyond the motel he found an open bar; he stopped only for a slice of cake plus a hot coffee, then continued south.

He kept his mind on the road; he was busy in respecting speed limits, checking the map, trying not to let the engine overheat, always trying to forget unpleasant things.

_I'm a fool…and if the funeral is over….the in-law family …could I pass for an old friend? _

He made an effort to blow away all those thoughts that were working to make him turn back.

Ennis reached the Childress city limit before noon and spent some time searching for the right address. He had to ask for info twice; the first people weren't local, but luckily the second knew Lureen's family and directed Ennis toward a residential road, with two lines of new houses built in the same style.

Four cars were parked in front of one of these houses, the driveway of which was occupied by a black large van and Jack's truck. Ennis stopped on the opposite side and got out, leaving his hat on the passenger seat.

The short walk to the front door seemed to last forever, while Ennis took note of all the details: the front green just cut, a blue painted door, bright curtains on the windows, a large antenna on the roof. Signs of beauty and wealth, and Ennis felt unable to appreciate them.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Decisions. **

**Chapter 3**

This is a new story I wrote in Italian more or less 2 years ago, it's my the first BBM fiction, since then I started writing in English directly. So this is a new challenge; I try to translate and Sam tries to correct my translation, we'll see how our efforts will be appreciated.

This is an AU settled in normal time and place, different from my Bluebells and Roses.

Disclaimer: the talented Mrs. Proulx owns the original story and characters.

Special thanks again to my dear beta **Sam**and also**Jen****.**

Thanks to all of you who left a comment.

Ennis had almost reached the front door when he noticed somebody was opening it. Two women appeared on the threshold, ready to leave.

"Thanks, Auntie Ann," said a male voice from inside.

"See you in church," was the answer of an old lady with a white cane, who leaned on the other, a black woman whose age was impossible to define.

They were different only in their skin colour; their dresses, hats, and body frames made them appear like two sisters.

The women walked beside Ennis, looking at him with curiosity. Then they moved away, communicating with each other in silence. Ennis grabbed the door before it closed and saw an old man inside the house, shoulders heavy like he was carrying stones.

"Excuse me, sir, may I speak with Jack Twist?"

Ennis missed holding his hat as a way to keep his hands still. The face of the man in front of him was the portrait of desolation.

"Are you a friend?"

"Yes sir, Ennis Del Mar," he said, shaking a sweaty hand.

"I'm LD Newsome, the grandfather. Jack is inside, in the back."

The man let Ennis enter but didn't lead him to Jack; he disappeared instead inside the first room on the left and closed the door behind him.

The corridor was quite dark. All the doors were closed, except one on the right, and Ennis heard voices coming from beyond it. He approached cautiously and saw that it was the sitting room.

He saw his man immediately: Jack was standing, his back to the door, giving a glass to a woman sitting on the sofa.

Ennis stopped hesitantly. He was only a few meters away from Jack but it felt an ocean. All his doubts came back to haunt him, because it wasn't his place and he had no right to look at Jack in his own house.

But if LD, the grandfather, was so desperately grief stricken, how much was Jack suffering, when he was the _father_?

So if Ennis was there to carry only the smallest part of Jack's pain, it was his duty and his right to stay.

He decided to remain immobile, sure that somebody would notice him, sooner or later. There were four other people in the room, two middle aged men and a couple, the female half of which was visibly pregnant. Jack moved to say something to one of the men, who pointed at the door with one hand.

Jack thought it was another neighbour visiting the family and at first glance didn't recognize the familiar face; and at second didn't believe what he was seeing.

Ennis moved forward without looking Jack in the eyes; he couldn't bear the pain.

When Jack realised it was really Ennis, in his house, in front of him, close enough to touch, he crossed the room and hugged Ennis like a desperate man.

It wasn't like other hugs they shared together, but stronger and more meaningful; Jack was crying and couldn't speak, Ennis forgot for a moment there were other people in the room and rubbed his hand on Jack's back, feeling the tensed muscles under the shirt and Jack's thinner frame.

.

A woman with dark glasses entered the room and seeing Jack and Ennis' hug, sighed. "Poor boy," she said to Jack, touching his shoulder, and she murmured "thanks" to Ennis, who saw her approaching.

Jack freed himself from the embrace but kept one hand on Ennis' arm. Ennis now noticed Jack's eyes were red and puffy, his face shaved only on the right side and full of new wrinkles.

"Mum, this is my friend Ennis Del Mar, from Wyoming. "

"Mr Del Mar, I'm Lureen's mother."

"I'm here because of your grandson…"

"I know…Jack, take Ennis into your study for a while to talk alone, I'll stay here."

Mrs. Newsome led them tenderly but firmly toward the stairs to the first floor.

"When your parents telephone, I'll call you, Jack…Ennis, do you want something to drink? You've driven such a long way."

"No, thanks, Mrs. Newsome."

"I'll make you something anyway."

For Jack and Ennis, being alone in a room with people's approval seemed incredible. They sat on a small leather sofa under the window that had a view of the back garden. The shelves on the walls were full of Jack's rodeo medals; it was Jack's refuge, Ennis was sure, no traces of Lureen here. Jack had collected his past as a rodeo rider, except for the picture of a children's football team in a new frame.

"There's always people here since...Lureen is sedated, she doesn't sleep, only cries…I try to do my best, but people come here in waves, all her relatives are here."

Jack sighed and searched for Ennis' hand. Ennis didn't resist; they could separate immediately and if somebody saw them, it could be passed off as a gesture of comfort.

"Thanks for coming here."

Ennis answered with more pressure on Jack's hand. The door was closed but they could hear steps on the stairs.

"Jack, I'm so sorry…" Ennis couldn't find the words. _I'm so sad for you, it breaks my heart, I 'd give a hand to have Larry back. _"If I can do something…he was so young.."

Ennis' gut was dry and words crossed an arid desert before reaching his mouth.

"Sometimes I don't understand anything, it seems like it's all a bad dream, and then I remember. Why him, Ennis?"

Jack's mother in law knocked at the door and waited for Jack's reply before opening it. Ennis was already standing near the window when she entered, moving very slowly because Lureen was leaning on her arm.

"Lureen would like to meet Mr. Del Mar, wouldn't you, dear?"

Jack's wife seemed like a rag doll, her hair was covered by a scarf and she wore a nightdress and a black robe. She looked at Ennis and tried to speak, but she could only murmur something unintelligible.

With difficulty she simply thanked Ennis and the effort was too much; she slipped from her mother's arm. Ennis was faster than Jack to catch her with strong arms and carry her to the sofa. Jack lifted her legs up on to the couch to make her more comfortable.

His mother in law asked him to come outside with her, while Ennis remained in the room with Lureen.

"She wanted to get up to see who was here, and when I told her your friend had arrived, she wanted to see him. But she cannot walk, how will we manage tomorrow in church?" Mrs. Newsome appeared nervous, her hands trembling.

"Don't worry, Ennis is here now, he'll be a great help." Jack felt stronger because he didn't feel alone any more.

"Your parents called, too. They are waiting for us at the bus station, I could send cousin Karl to catch them, he's in the kitchen with LD."

"I'll ask Ennis, but thank you."

Inside the room, Lureen was looking at Ennis with hollow eyes, but he felt the weight of her gaze.

Standing in front of her, he felt like an intruder. He was the other man, the one Jack really wanted, while she had been the second choice.

But when she tried to smile, Ennis understood how beautiful she was and why she chose Jack over other men. They were both so gorgeous. Lureen couldn't have accepted an ordinary man, she had to have the most beautiful rodeo cowboy on the circuit.

And Ennis also understood that Lureen didn't know about him and Jack. She believed Ennis was Jack's only friend, a close friend.

When Jack came back inside alone, he witnessed a scene he'd never dared to imagine: Lureen crying on Ennis' shoulder, while he kneeled beside her.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Decisions. **

**Chapter 4**

This is a new story I wrote in Italian more or less 2 years ago, it's my the first BBM fiction, since then I started writing in English directly. So this is a new challenge; I try to translate and Sam tries to correct my translation, we'll see how our efforts will be appreciated.

This is an AU settled in normal time and place, different from my Bluebells and Roses.

Disclaimer: the talented Mrs. Proulx owns the original story and characters.

Special thanks again to my dear beta **Sam**and also**Jen****.**

Thanks to all of you who left a comment and thanks for your patience, too.

Ennis was happy his driving was useful; he needed time to accept the luxurious reality of Jack's house and so he preferred to meet Jack's parents in a public place instead of inside those walls. Mrs. Newsome had compelled him to stay in the kitchen and eat a large sandwich before allowing him to leave in Jack's truck. ----- Meanwhile, Mrs. Twist was lost in the hall of the bus station. Although the place wasn't crowded, she glanced around like a rabbit outside its cage; she felt nervous and afraid when a group of people heading for Fort Worth crossed her path on their way to the bus. She had never been so far from home; the journey to mourn her only grandchild –a child she had seen only in pictures – had lasted two days.

Her husband had always refused to go south and she was afraid to travel alone. Every year Jack promised her that he would bring Larry to the ranch, in vain.

Mrs. Twist didn't believe in Jack's marriage; Jack had married so fast, without telling them ahead of time that he was going to, so she imagined it was a quick decision, due to the impending birth of Larry. She remembered that after the second summer spent working for Aguirre, Jack had changed; he was much quieter, sometimes refusing to speak at all. Then he had left for the rodeo season.

The news of the child had silenced John's acid remarks; he had believed Jack wasn't good with women at all. But she was the mother and loved Jack deeply, always forgiving his strange attitudes during high school, when Jack wanted to be the first in very possible sport.

Now Mrs. Twist was waiting near the exit while her husband sat on a bench, guarding their small bags. She checked every car approaching, to see if the driver was Jack. She saw a truck parking nearby and a tall blonde man looking around cautiously

Ennis entered the station and briefly scanned the various groups; somebody was looking at the timetable, other people were paying for their tickets or drinking at the small bar. Travellers were scattered around, trying to find comfortable seats for themselves and benches for their bags.

Then he saw the middle aged woman dressed in black, standing near a man. Ennis approached and then felt silly for his fear of not recognizing Jack's parents; Jack was his mother's portrait, the same blue eyes.

Her gaze met Ennis' and a signal passed between them. Ennis went closer and took off his hat.

"Mrs. And Mr. Twist? I'm from Jack."

"Yes," the woman answered; John Twist stood up.

Ennis offered his hand. "I'm Ennis Del Mar, an old friend. I'll drive you home."

He bent to collect the bags, faster than John Twist, who looked a little disappointed for being slower.

Ennis led them to the truck, opened the passenger door for Mrs Twist and stowed the baggage; it wasn't heavy, as if they wouldn't or couldn't take too many things for the journey.

The engine roared and Ennis focused on the road, but Mrs. Twist stared at him.

"You said your name is Del Mar."

"Yes, Mrs. Twist."

"You're the friend from the Aguirre summer, aren't you?

"It was 1963."

"Ennis…Jack always talked about you, didn't he, John?" she said, turning to her husband.

"Jack and his fool plans…."

"He said he wanted to fix up our ranch with you, someday. He wanted to come back home. Then he got married, but once or twice he remembered his plan."

"Bad idea, Mrs. Twist…too many problems to solve."

"Are you married?"

Mrs. Twist still could not believe she was in presence of her son's best friend, the only one Jack spoke about. Jack was so happy when he remembered the summer of '63, he and Ennis working together, then their fishing trips twice a year and their lasting friendship. Now she wanted to know more about that man.

"Yes, I got two girls, Junior and Frannie."

"And do you still live in Wyoming?"

"Riverton. First time I've ever been here, for the funeral." Ennis wasn't happy to be questioned so much, but he tried to understand the situation.

"Jack promised me…" Mrs. Twist's voice died into a murmur; her husband put a hand on her shoulder.

Ennis tried desperately to find something appropriate to say, but a mother's pain wanted only silence. They reached the destination swiftly.

The front door opened and Jack came running out to embrace his mother, who started crying.

The neighbors had again offered dinner to the mourners; they rang the bell carrying large plates covered in shining silver aluminium foil.

The Twists sat at the table in silence with LD and Ennis, while Faye and Lureen were combing their hair with the help of Margie, the most famous hairdresser in town. Ennis sat at the right of Mrs. Twist, Mr. Twist on the other side and Jack was obliged to stay between his father and his father in law.

Mrs. Twist said a short prayer, asking Jesus for peace for her family.

When dinner was finished, Jack and Ennis went out into the back garden to smoke a cigarette.

Jack explained he had arranged a motel room for his parents, after his mother had asked him to find a place for them; she didn't want to share Jack's house. "My parents will stay at the Traveller's Lodge motel tonight, Mom doesn't like this place. Lureen will sleep at LD's house, our doctor will visit her later and maybe give her something to help her relax. Do you want to stay here or go to the motel, too? A guest room is already made up…"

Jack's tone was unsure, like a child who wants a present and doesn't know how to ask for it.

For the whole evening he wondered how to persuade Ennis to stay, only stay; it didn't matter in which bed, he only wanted Ennis around, until the end of this personal hell.

Ennsi was looking at Jack with burning eyes, his gaze seemed to ask " Do you want me to stay?" but his words were respectful and polite.

"Would you rather be alone?"

"Damnit, Ennis, you even think I can refuse you?"

Ennis' nervousness quickly melted, he didn't want to leave Jack alone that night. "Sorry, Jack, this is such a strange situation. You… you choose what to do."

"Stay. Please. "

Jack touched his arm and went inside; Ennis heard his voice in the corridor.

"Mom, Ennis will drive you to the motel. You'll be more comfortable in Lureen's car. See you in the morning."

During the short drive Ennis' silence surpassed Mrs Twist's attempts at conversation. "Thank you very much, Mr. Del Mar," she said while leaving the car, "I wish we could have met under other circumstances." Her husband took their bags and entered the motel lobby without a word.

Coming back from the motel, Ennis got lost when he turned left one too many times; the roads were quite identical, s if all the houses had been built from the same mold.

He drove around for a few minutes, then asked a woman walking a dog where Primrose Lane was.

He felt relieved when he parked Lureen's Cadillac outside her garage; the house was dark, no light coming from the sitting room or from the bedrooms upstairs. His eyes adapted to the darkness as he turned the corner and walked on the grass; it was soft, maybe one of the flowerbeds under the front windows. Ennis was deadly tired, his feet like stones; the weight of the long drive and the emotional turmoil he was experiencing were too much for him.

TBC

Please add your opinion.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Decisions. **

**Chapter 5**

This is a new story I wrote in Italian more or less 2 years ago, it's my the first BBM fiction, since then I started writing in English directly. So this is a new challenge; I try to translate and Sam tries to correct my translation, we'll see how our efforts will be appreciated.

This is an AU settled in normal time and place, different from my Bluebells and Roses.

Disclaimer: the talented Mrs. Proulx owns the original story and characters.

Special thanks again to my dear beta **Sam****.**

Thanks to all of you who left a comment and thanks thanks thanks for your patience, too.

………………………………..

Ennis moved toward the stairs in complete darkness, banging his forehead against the open door of the closet in the long corridor.

To hell with whoever had left without closing it!

He touched the bruise that surely the next day would be black and blue, maybe partially covered by hair.

Inside the closet was surely something belonging to Jack; Ennis inhaled the perfume from a dark coat, he went nearer and hid his face in the fabric. It was an instinctive reaction, one he never dreamed of before. His need for Jack was so sinful he felt ready to fight against the world, now.

The sound of a door distracted him. Ennis tried to figure out where it had come from. Friends and relatives left before dinner, The Newsomes disappeared without farewells. Nobody knew Ennis was back in the house, except Jack and – maybe – Mrs. Twist, who had taken his arm at the motel and murmured, " Look in on Jack tonight, he'll need a lot of help for tomorrow."

Ennis climbed the stairs slowly, he wanted to respect the silence of the house, which matched the silence within himself. It was his homage to the laughter and footsteps that would no longer fill it.

There was a bar of light under the bathroom door, and he knocked discreetly

"I'm back."

"Just a moment." Jack looked at himself in the mirror and saw a stranger. Two eyes clear as the sky were looking back at him, full of questions.

He was telling himself only lies, but his eyes were honest. Over his pain, a deep base, a sort of continuous basso in the musical frame of the day, now was paying a new movement, a crescendo that was getting stronger as night approached.

Jack was feeling guilty because he wasn't just in pain any more.

He stared at his reflection again.

_What am I doing in here? Am I hiding because he's here, here for me? _

If his heart hadn't been so full of despair for his son, Jack was sure it could be filled again with the passion he felt for Ennis.

Every time they were together, Jack was always the most passionate one, the leader in bed, because he felt desire; real, intense passion.

Now he was hiding – confused, afraid – because the reality of being separated by only a door from the man who meant the world to him was too much, because this time they weren't in a tent or a cabin or a motel, but in a house, his own house.

Jack closed his eyes for a moment and imagined what it would be like to live with Ennis every day, to brush his teeth before sleeping, knowing somebody dear was waiting for him in bed.

He inhaled deeply and opened the door. Ennis was waiting for him, leaning on the wall. When the glare of the bathroom light invaded the corridor, Ennis moved his head to protect his eyes.

Jack saw his profile, the same one that haunted his dreams, the same one he looked for subconsciously in every man who crossed his path. Jack Twist loved a man, that was the simple truth, but it was the hardest thing for Ennis to accept.

"Your parents are OK. So's the car. too. I locked up downstairs."

"Thanks."

Jack extended an arm and stopped just an inch from Ennis'. His hand was trembling and he didn't have the strength to close the gap.

Ennis took Jack's hand between his hot and strong ones; he pulled Jack toward him and embraced him, just to feel every detail of Jack against him, every turn of the river that was the body of that man, the only man with the power to make Ennis do impossible, illogical, dangerous things.

Jack let himself go and followed the stream that lead him to Ennis.

"I'm here, I'm here," Ennis was repeating, keeping a hand on Jack's cheek. "You need to sit down. Let's go." He led Jack toward the room they had used that afternoon.

"Ennis, no, not there."

"So where?"

"I don't know, it's all so strange. I feel so tired."

"You need to rest, Jack, tomorrow will be worse."

"Stay here, Ennis, please."

"I've promised, Rodeo, but now you need to rest."

"This way."

Jack walked to the end of the corridor and switched on the light of his bedroom.

Two twin beds, one without pillows; maybe unused for a long time.

Ennis entered Jack's private space cautiously: when they were together in the mountains, away from everyday life, he didn't think about the practical things and when they were separated he thought about their days together.

Jack collapsed on the mattress, completely exhausted. Ennis kneeled and helped him with his boots, placing them near the wall.

Ennis looked around for a place to rest – maybe the large sofa in Jack's studio with a soft pillow – or maybe he could stay in Jack's room for the whole night… But he didn't dare use Lureen's bed. Jack decided for him.

"Stay until I fall asleep," Jack asked, with both eyes and voice. Ennis didn't refuse – to hell with his fears and what people might think. Jack shifted on the bed and Ennis took him in his arms, singing something, an old song he used to sing when Junior was a little girl.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Decisions. **

**Chapter 6**

This is a new story I wrote in Italian more or less 2 years ago, it's my the first BBM fiction, since then I started writing in English directly. So this is a new challenge; I try to translate and Sam tries to correct my translation, we'll see how our efforts will be appreciated.

This is an AU settled in normal time and place, different from my Bluebells and Roses.

Disclaimer: the talented Mrs. Proulx owns the original story and characters.

Special thanks again to my dear beta **Sam, her work is more useful than ever here****.**

Thanks to all of you who left a comment and thanks thanks thanks for your patience, too.

The next morning, Ennis entered Jack's study as soon as he was back with the Twists. He locked the door, wanting to phone Alma privately.

Mrs. Twist had asked him something about his girls as soon as Ennis arrived at the motel, and he remembered that when he had left Riverton, he had only asked Tom at the post office to tell Alma he would be away for a few days.

The telephone rang four times, then Junior answered.

"Hello honey, how are you?"

"Dad! Where are you?"

"I'm travelling…where's your mom?"

"She's here...where are you, Dad?"

Before he could reply, Ennis heard Alma's loud voice speaking to Junior. "Give me the phone!"

"But it's Dad…"

"I said give it to me!"

Ennis could hear Junior's footsteps running away, then Alma spoke.

"Ennis, are you crazy? Where the hell are you?"

"I'm in Texas. Jack's son died."

"And you left without a word? I thought you'd had…an accident."

"Alma, I told Tom…"

"You told Tom? Not me? I'm your wife! And the girls…. We were all so worried . I've spent two days worrying!"

"I'm sorry, Alma, but I had to go."

"You do everything for your friend and we are simply forgotten. What the hell were you thinking, Ennis? Your own family doesn't count anymore? I'm tired of you …did you hear me? Tired! Of you and of Jack. Stay in Texas, stay where you want, I don't want to see you anymore. Me and the girls will stay with my mother."

"Let me explain…."

"Stop, Ennis, I don't want to hear your pathetic explanations. I don't know what will happen next, but I'm thinking about divorce."

"Alma, the girls…. Divorce? Are you crazy?"

"I can't live like this anymore. I'll speak with Mr. Pearson. Goodbye, Ennis."

The line went dead on the Wyoming side, and Ennis lost Alma. His hands trembled as he hung up the phone, then his arms, and soon his whole body.

He leaned on the table, unable to stand up; his heart was beating too fast and he couldn't breathe.

Alma had never talked like that before. To tell the truth, she hadn't talked much at all to him during the last few months, except about simple domestic matters and the girls' routines.

So Ennis had settled into Alma's silence, feeling that it matched how he felt inside.

Yes, one year ago, he had been away with the boys at the horse show and Frannie had come down with a bad cold, so Alma had taken the girls to her mother's, and had stayed there almost a week after Frannie was healthy again.

She had said that Frannie might still be contagious and she didn't want to risk Junior coming down with it, too, and needing Grandmother's help again. When Alma was back home, things had seemed OK, but Alma started letting the girls sleep in her parents' house once a week, in a new bedroom on the top floor. And she started sleeping there if Ennis was away fishing with Jack.

Ennsi rewound the conversation in his head. Alma had said nasty words about Jack; something was missing in this puzzle and Ennis decided to go home as soon as possible after the funeral.

Alma's tirade gave him relief in the end; since their last time together all his attention had been devoted to Jack and his pain. He didn't seek Alma's body in the night and increased his working hours at the ranch to stay away from home as much as he could and also to earn more money to buy something pretty for his girls. He and Alma had simply slid away from each other more and more without really noticing it; now maybe Alma had realised the fact.

The ceremony was short; Pastor Bird had nothing to say about the life of an eight year boy and simply spoke comforting words for the family.

The Newsomes kept Lureen in the front row, while Jack was on the other side of the aisle with his parents and Ennis, pushed forward by Mrs Twist who had noticed with despair the distance between Jack and his wife, which continued later on at the cemetery.

Neither Jack nor Lureen tried in any way to comfort each other, so Mrs. Twist decided to approach the Newsomes. LD looked at her with an arrogant expression, like she wasn't quite a human being, but although Mrs. Twist was aware of her old fashioned clothes and her poverty, she kept her head high.

Lureen's mother behaved like a tigress defending her pups and before Mrs Twist could embrace Lureen, she took her daughter away.

.

Ennis was left alone with Jack only for a few minutes before he had to drive the Twists to the station; as soon as they entered Jack's house they went into the study.

"I have to go back or I'll lose my job."

Better to forget for the moment Alma and a marriage without hope, and to avoid giving Jack – childless and alone – illusions, while there still were two young girls whose future was uncertain.

"Thanks Ennis, for everything."

"I had to do it, Jack….what are you gonna do?"

"I don't know…it's so strange, my mother wants me to visit her soon; my job is here, but it's a big mess…Lureen is completely shattered and she was the boss at work."

" I've seen…she has her parents. You, Mrs. Twist. She wants to protect you."

"If I go north, could I come and see you? "

"You bet. Now I really have to go, I have lots of things to settle at home."

"If not, then November?"

"Surely."

Jack wrote something on a piece of paper. "My folks number, just in case…"

"Send me a postcard when you know when you're gonna leave." Ennis scanned around, the door was only a little ajar, the curtains thick and nobody was walking in the corridor.

He took Jack's left arm and squeezed it. It was his way to l embrace Jack, he didn't dare move closer, still too afraid to be seen and judged.

Jack was either too shocked to say anything, or too sad to see Ennis leave; he didn't move for a closer contact.

Then Mrs. Twist called her husband from the kitchen and Ennis turned to pick up his hat and leave.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: Decisions. **

**Chapter 7**

This is a story I wrote in Italian more or less 2 years ago, it's my the first BBM fiction, since then I started writing in English directly.

This is an AU settled in normal time and place, different from my Bluebells and Roses.

Disclaimer: the talented Mrs. Proulx owns the original story and characters.

Special thanks again to my dear beta **Sam, her work is more useful than ever here****.**

**Sorry for the delay, I spent August away from pc plus me & Sam's servers had some trouble in accepting each other's mails.**

Thanks to all of you who left a comment and thanks thanks thanks for your patience, too.

Coming home wasn't so hard for Ennis, compared to his travel South.

He wasn't tired so he drove all night, with a two hour stop just before dawn to sleep a little.

He reached Riverton on Sunday morning; his girls were riding their bicycles – bought at the second hand charity sell of the Methodist Church - up and down their road, and when they saw him they forgot everything else and ran forward to embrace Ennis. They pulled him from the road to the front door. Ennis could have easily refused, but it was their game and he was eager to comply.

"Mom, it's Dad!" Frannie shouted.

Alma went out of the kitchen wiping her hands on the apron.

"Hallo, Alma."

"Ennis…girls, go wash your hands, it's ready."

Ennis put on the chair the bag Jack had given him for his few dirty clothes.

"I've phoned…you're fired, so don't go to the ranch tomorrow."

"I'll call the boss later, don't worry."

"I'm always worry about you, you're so irresponsible."

"I had to go."

"You had to stay here, too. I've already told you what I think, you can stay here until you find a new place."

"Alma, you cannot make a decision like this so easily!"

"I've thought about it for a long time. Things here aren't going right. You're a stranger to me now. My Ennis was different, he wouldn't leave his family to go fishing, or to go to Texas.

Alma wasn't crying. Ennis had imagined a reaction like that; instead she was rigid and determined.

"I've always worked every day for all of you, I think I'm a good father to the girls."

"But you're not a good husband, we haven't done anything together for years. I'm always alone at the school events. You're ashamed to be seen with me anywhere."

Ennis sat on the couch, a hand heavy on his forehead.

She was right, in a way; he was ashamed of Alma not because she was ugly or stupid, but because she was the second choice. Logical, necessary but always second, compared to …Jack.

And with Jack, he was ashamed, too, because he was the first. The first and the last, something he was proud of. There was no other man in the world who could ignite his desire.

But Ennis was defeated and he knew it. Looking at Alma he saw a choice already made.

"Let's find a way. For the girls."

"You'll see them, I don't want to separate you. They're old enough to understand. I'll give you some furniture when you another place to live."

Ennis glanced around the room where he lived for so many years. There were memories to keep, although the house was so insignificant.

The walls, still with a few green stains, even after a double painting; the cheap furniture that Ennis himself had adapted to the small room; the broken frame of the window and …something new, a red heater, shining with its bold colour.

He pointed at it.

"What is that for? There's already a heater in this apartment."

"It's for next winter's cold."

"We're short of money and now there's going to be a divorce to pay for….why did you buy it?"

"It's free. Monroe heard that Frannie has had a bad cold and he took it from the store. A customer said it wasn't working, but it just needed a new cable; I only paid for the repair."

"Your boss thinks my daughters live in a refrigerator?"

"He's a kind person."

It wasn't the first time Monroe had been very sympathetic toward Alma, but until now it had been all about flexibility at work, less hours if the girls were ill, or the gift of a few cans of food that had gotten damaged and so couldn't be sold.

"I'll find a place where they'll always be warm, they don't need Monroe's charity."

"You're simply envious of him because he has his own shop."

"I don't want him around my girls."

"We'll see, Ennis. You don't rule this house any more."

It would be easy to get angry, now, from the bitterness of Alma's words, lose control and throw that damned heater out of the window.

A man refused by his wife wasn't a man any more. Ennis imagined people talking about him in town and at work, glances from under their hats, conversations behind his back; Ennis imagined hard weeks to come.

Ennis, don't leave me tonight…

Jack's voice, Jack's pain…if he was free from Alma he could accept a piece of that pain, lift from Jack's shoulders a little of that burden he couldn't forget.

Ennis went out without a response, slamming the door, headed to the ranch to talk to the foreman - he surely had to keep his job, now that his mind was growing an idea.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: Decisions. **

**Chapter 8**

This is a story I wrote in Italian more or less 2 years ago, it's my the first BBM fiction, since then I started writing in English directly.

This is an AU settled in normal time and place, different from my Bluebells and Roses.

Disclaimer: the talented Mrs. Proulx owns the original story and characters.

Special thanks again to my dear beta **Sam, her work is more useful than ever here****.**

I'm very sorry for the long delay, I've moved office in December and lots of other important things had to be done, too.

I hope I can continue this effort, really I hope.

Jack said they could meet halfway, so Ennis left Riverton early in the morning.

He was dying to do something, since hearing Jack on the phone on Monday evening he had been counting every minute. They had to meet on Sunday because Ennis couldn't get a day off, and they had only a few hours to spend together, but it didn't matter.

"I'll wait for you," Jack had said on the phone, and Ennis hoped that wait would be worth it.

The fact that he and Jack had only slept in the same bed in Texas, nothing more, had merely heightened his desire in the following weeks, leaving Ennis with an ache still unsatisfied.

Alma was out of the question, too, so he confided in his hand, alone in the bathroom at night.

Now he could tell Jack the news, but Ennis was already feeling more free. He no longer had to feel guilty for what they had done together during their fishing trips, behind Alma's back.

He managed to reach an agreement with Alma for visiting rights, but his wife expected to receive a monthly support for their daughters – the lawyer said the judge surely would agree to such a request – so work become more and more important for Ennis.

For some time, a year maybe, he couldn't have a full week free to see Jack, but Ennis wanted to show Alma he would be able to support the girls.

He would discuss this with Jack, who would understand him, like always, and maybe there was a way out, to find a nearer place, to change life again. But Ennis had learned something important during his first journey to Texas: he couldn't give Jack up.

Meanwhile, Jack was having his truck serviced, ready to drive north. His first idea was to leave early in the morning, but he was too tired. He was working too much, to forget the nights, when he had to go to bed in a silent home, after a lonely dinner of take-out food. Lureen had moved to her old family ranch.

The house was so still Jack could hear himself breathe, and when sometimes he woke up alone at night he was afraid he had gone deaf.

His mother was calling every other day trying to persuade him to go north, but it was a different north he was driving to, now.

Ennis had to drive a long way, but this second trip was different. The first time, he didn't remember anyof the places the passed through. His eyes had been fixed on the road, guided by an overwhelming instinct - the same one that drove animals when they migrated – concentrating on the thin black ribbon, ignoring cold, food and tiredness for long hours.

Jack repeated on the phone that he should be careful; the miles were long and Ennis' old truck wasn't as reliable as his own.

But the weather was good, some clouds to partially block the sun and the reflex over the everlasting plain. Ennis ate something at a small cafè - he was used now to eating alone – and reached the railroad station of his destination late in the afternoon. Jack's truck was parked a few lots away.

TBC

2


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: Decisions. **

**Chapter 9**

This is a story I wrote in Italian more or less 2 years ago, it's my the first BBM fiction, since then I started writing in English directly.

This is an AU settled in normal time and place, different from my Bluebells and Roses.

Disclaimer: the talented Mrs. Proulx owns the original story and characters.

Special thanks again to my dear beta **Sam, her work is more useful than ever here****.**

Jack's truck was empty, so Ennis parked nearby and looked around. The square outside the station had on one side some shops, on another the city offices, then obviously the station and at least a small commercial centre. Ennis walked toward it, there was a restaurant and a cafè on the ground floor. There he saw Jack, seated near the larger window, reading a newspaper; a cup and a plate in front of him. Ennis knocked on the glass; Jack lowered the paper, smiled and gestured Ennis to come inside.

The waitress smiled, too, offering Ennis a cup of coffee. It seemed so easy to walk in and have something to eat in a nice place like that, with two families with young kids, the train drivers ready for the next shift and a group of old ladies chatting aloud. Well, a little too loud considering their short distance from Jack's table.

Jack got up and offered his hand. "Welcome, Ennis."

"Thanks, Jack." Ennis answered, shaking it.

"I was expecting you later."

"Left home at dawn."

Their polite and light conversation, drinking coffee, was simply an excuse to look at each other.

They couldn't do anything more than a shake of hands, too many people around and outside; although after having gone to Childress Ennis was a little more accustomed to seeing Jack in a real place and not hidden up in the mountains, he was still deeply reluctant to accept the idea.

"I only managed to come here with difficulty. There're lots of problems in Texas. But I couldn't wait for another minute to see you."

Jack told Ennis about Lureen and the doctor who only gave her sleeping pills, about working without help at the office, about coming home late in the evening to an empty house. He said he was quite eager to see his father, instead, just to live in a house with somebody in it.

"And Mrs. Twist asks how you are."

"Your mother?"

"Yes, I told her I was going to visit you and the girls."

"Jack …why?"

Ennis instinctively retreated a little.

"Now, Ennis, I believe we've already passed this point. You came here and nobody blamed you, nobody marked you with my name in scarlet letters. You also agreed to…"

Jack's voice was getting louder and Ennis lifted a hand to stop him. "OK, OK, I give up. I came here because I've got two things to tell you. Good news."

Jack fell immediately silent…. _He stays for the night, we'll meet again next month, he'll be in Texas again soon…what could be " good news" from Ennis del Mar?_

"Me and Alma are divorcing, in a month it will be all over."

"Ennis…."

Jack was really without words, for the first time in his life.

Somewhere in his mind, in a place deeply hidden ad always denied, Ennis was pleased to have stopped Jack's continuous flow of words.

Ennis paused and looked around – nobody was too near, the waitress was busy at the other side of the cafè – and moved a fraction toward Jack, keeping his voice low.

"Everything can happen now, I want you to know that I care a lot about you."

Words with a powerful effect, coming from Ennis. Words Jack had hoped for so many years to hear, and now he couldn't believe his ears.

Ennis was looking at him and his eyes were glowing. It was all he could do for the moment. Jack thought that – except for coming to Texas for Larry – it was the best thing that man had done since 1963. Jack's fingertips briefly brushed Ennis's hand –hidden by the large cup- and the contact made both of them shiver.

"How much time can you stay?" Jack asked slowly, raising the napkin to cover his mouth.

Ennis coughed, his voice suddenly dry.

"I must get back this evening. Maybe late."

"I can leave tomorrow."

"Twist, after so many years, you're still able to find a decent place? "

Twenty minutes later they were alone in a small motel near an artificial fishing lake; the parking lot was quite deserted and Jack entered the reception area using his best Texan accent and his smile on the golden haired woman who greeted him.

"We've got to sleep a while before going home, the boss and his ideas…the horses went everywhere. And my friend got kicked in the back."

The woman smiled and handed Jack a key. "You'll be fine here, nothing is better than a good sleep. We've got lots of people during the fishing season, but our kitchen is always open. If you want, we also have room service."

The price was more than double that of their old motel, but it was worth it. Soft mattresses, cozy plaids, a large and very clean bathroom.

Ennis stopped on the threshold to look at the room, inhaling the scent of flowers on a small table near the television. "Is it decent?"

Jack hung the "do not disturb" sign in place and closed the door behind them.

"The last time feels like years ago…" Ennis murmured into Jack's ear while caressing his face and neck.

"I couldn't wait anymore. I went north thinking only about my mother and you. The office is closed for a week and I don't care about anything at all." Jack kissed him slowly, remembering all the details of that mouth, its shape, softness, the skin of the lips and the line of teeth.

Ennis let himself go; he was led far away, but he didn't have to live on memories, Jack was here, a real body, the only male body Ennis had ever noticed and wanted.

"Only you, Ennis, after our summer I swear I didn't want anybody else."

Ennis become everything for him after 1963, Jack stopped thinking about his friends when he was a teenager, when he was attracted by them in the locker rooms and didn't understand the reason, because he felt the same with girls.

Jack unbuttoned Ennis' shirt to press his hands on bare chest, to hear the heart beating, matching his own. He felt drops on his hands, lifted his gaze and saw Ennis crying.

"Hey..I'm here, no reason to feel sad."

Jack got no words in reply.

Ennis seized his jaw, locked their lips and while kissing Jack with a fury he had never felt before, proceeded in divesting his Rodeo of all his clothes.

He half threw, half invited Jack on the bed, then freed himself, without noticing how Jack was smiling, pleased his man was driven already so insane.

When their naked bodies touched, Ennis felt he was struck by a pure light, so he closed his eyes and let Jack stroke him with an increasing rhythm. He came after a few strokes but didn't feel spent, instead he did the same for Jack, who let out a moan of satisfaction and embraced him.

Ennis knew their relationship was at a turning point; there was something now that he felt confident to ask for directly.

"First, I want you on top."

They had done it that way a few times, but only at Jack's prompting; Ennis had accepted the act like something he _had_ to allow and although he always felt a lot of pleasure, wasn't able to recognize his complete need to feel Jack inside him.

"You don't need to if..."

"I want you, didn't you hear me? I was so stupid, but I'm different now."

Ennis' eyes had a strange glaze, so Jack decided to please him without replying further.

Ennis accepted every touch, every kiss, every stroke, every sensation Jack's fingers – first – and Jack's member – later – made inside him, until he felt Jack's release and he breathed deeply, feeling in peace with the world.

TBC

3


End file.
